Four years ago Simon wrote about the way he was changing his relationship with online porn (see 2012 below). We followed up on him recently and he now updates his story again.
2012 – I feel I’m breaking my dependency on Internet porn – although I have chosen, so far, to continue to use magazines. In fact, I am learning how to use them again after being hooked on Internet porn for about 10 years. I used porn magazines and videos from when I was 13 years old. When Internet porn came about I quite quickly stopped buying and using mags and then I only used the Internet. It’s always felt too hard to give up using the Internet for porn if I don’t have something to take its place. I could go a few weeks but then, when I was desperate, I’d use online and then that would lead to me going back to webcams again and spending a whole lot of money on sex.
I’ve noticed that I use Internet porn differently to magazines. In mags you take in the whole picture. You have to really look around at the photo. I find I really look at the woman’s face and her figure – that’s not something you do with Internet or DVD porn. I have to really engage with the porn star to use a magazine picture. I don’t expect anyone to agree but, to me, it feels more respectful using a still image – perhaps I’m just deluding myself. I have a lot of doubts about my relationship with porn but I do figure that giving up the endless stream that is supplied by broadband can only help me. It’s a step towards breaking the control it has on my life.
2016 – I’m glad to have the chance to update my story. It felt odd to read the words I wrote in 2012. It brought back quite a lot of the sadness I was feeling at that time. Things continued to change in my use of porn. I kept the reverse gear engaged and continued to use less and less. The porn became less graphic and more erotic. I looked at ever more mild porn until one day, about two years ago, I just stopped using porn altogether. It was like the fire that had burned all those years around my sexual addiction behaviour just went out. That was it.
I wish I could tell you exactly how I got there but I can’t really do that. It just became more pointless as it became less of a habit. I started seeing I was choosing to look and once I realised that, it was ‘porn, game over’.
I hope other people find they can regain their freedom from porn.