I feel I’m breaking my dependency on Internet porn – although I have chosen, so far, to continue to use magazines. In fact, I am learning how to use them again after being hooked on Internet porn for about 10 years. I used porn magazines and videos from when I was 13 years old. When Internet porn came about I quite quickly stopped buying and using mags and then I only used the Internet. It’s always felt too hard to give up using the Internet for porn if I don’t have something to take its place. I could go a few weeks but then, when I was desperate, I’d use online and then that would lead to me going back to webcams again and spending a whole lot of money on sex.
I’ve noticed that I use Internet porn differently to magazines. In mags you take in the whole picture. You have to really look around at the photo. I find I really look at the woman’s face and her figure – that’s not something you do with Internet or DVD porn. I have to really engage with the porn star to use a magazine picture. I don’t expect anyone to agree but, to me, it feels more respectful using a still image – perhaps I’m just deluding myself. I have a lot of doubts about my relationship with porn but I do figure that giving up the endless stream that is supplied by broadband can only help me. It’s a step towards breaking the control it has on my life.
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